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Clementine

by McCafferty

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1.
Trees II 03:35
2.
Mates 03:23
3.
Clementine 03:24
4.
Throat 03:02
5.
Sellout 02:06
6.
Scarecrow 01:48

about

Hello,

I hope everyone has been having a wonderful August and is looking forward to the fall. I wanted to make a final post to let everyone know that McCafferty is being ended permanently (Yes, for real this time.)

I wish I had the right words to say as a farewell, but goodbyes have never been my strong suit. To anybody who is a writer, artist, or creator of any type- you know that art seeks us out. It is something that runs through our blood and its almost like a demon that possesses us when it wants to talk. When art floods us, we can feel it in our chests and in our hearts, and it pulls us to create. That is what McCafferty has always been to me. I have tried to quit many times before, but I felt that the story I wanted to tell hadn't been completed yet.

Like many who connect to music, I have never really felt like I belong. I have struggled with an identity in transitioning my entire life, and have always felt very out of place. McCafferty has always been a place that I have felt at home because it lets me be myself. It has allowed me to express myself in ways that I never thought possible and to create art I never thought I could.

That being said, McCafferty has caused me a lot of sustainable emotional damage and is something I wish I could forget entirely. I think the hardest part about being human and flawed is the judgment we face from those around us.

There has become an acceptance in our society to toxicity online because of the anonymity that protects our identity. It allows for us to easily destroy the mind and spirit of someone on the other end of a conversation because its safe. I am guilty of doing this, and many people reading this are as well. I have first hand experienced a trend where people, who probably have good intentions, have completely crushed others mental state, hopes and dreams, self esteem and self worth online because they believe by passing judgment on others that they are helping things in the grand scheme.

We see this every day on websites like Twitter/Reddit/Facebook and many more places. Chances are, if you thought about a time were someone was verbally hurtful towards you online, you could pinpoint the conversation. This makes me so sad in my heart that I cannot even express it through text,and for that I apologize. Nobody in the world deserves that.

I started making music to help myself, and then I continued to make music for myself and for others, and that will always stand true.

I think it is a mistake to think that artists are incapable of making mistakes and learning from them along the way. Because behind shit guitar, and some lyrics, stands a person who is capable of every range of emotions that anybody from the general public feels. We are all human. I get sick going online and seeing the hate that is constantly spewed from people because, ultimately, it makes us feel better behind our computer screens.

Life is fucking difficult. Life is brutal and unfair and hurtful to us all, and I wish that we could live in a world where we talked constructively to help one another, not publicly shame people for our own enjoyment. Because words hurt us all the same. I was very much a teenager who had the midset of "Fuck everyone Im gonna say and do what I want because the world doesn't own me shit" and I have been very blessed to have experienced so much criticism because of McCafferty because it makes me realize how our words impact those around us and how ultimately they hurt us in the long run.

I wake up every morning regretting things I have said and done in the past and it feels like such a weight on my chest that it has driven me crazy. I dont want to feel like this anymore, I want to be someone who is a leader, and can relate to peoples pain and flaws to help what they are going through.

I have tried to write this post many times but am so afraid of all the hurtful things people will post because many times toxicity online is encouraged. Mob mindset is a real thing, we all have seen it and even been a part of it. But I am someone who wants to live a life I can look back on knowing I made a difference and helped people. We all have done shitty things and said shitty things to people we know and dont know online.

I dont know how to open up the dialogue, but If McCafferty has done nothing, my last wish for it is to start up conversation about how we can all be better towards one another.

I wish I had the ability to go back in time and slap my younger self for my own toxicity. I have struggled with this immensely but ultimately I work each and every day to better myself and to be a better person and a leader.

And thats why I have chosen to leave music permanently. McCafferty represents the best and worst of me.

I will never forget meeting people and holding them as they cried telling me how much they connected to the music. Ill never forget laughing on the road with my friends, and I will never forget the amazing opportuities music gave me.

I will also never forget the messages of hate people have sent me. How when people would constantly demean my art saying I was a front bottoms rip off and I will never forget how angry that made me because I spent nights holding my guitar writing songs I hoped people would be able to connect with because I felt the same pain as them. I will never forget handling criticism inappropriately and fighting with people online hoping I would hurt them as bad as they hurt me because my art is my life. Every song I have written comes frrom a place of hurt in my heart, and I felt cheated that people wouldn't try to connect with my words. I am so thankful to have learned from my mistakes because I am a person who struggles with transitions, and I believe that my pain and mistakes will help me to be a better father to my own children and help them avoid the pitfalls I fell in.

I love people. I love helping people. I love listening, meeting, and connecting with people from all over the world. That will never change, but the manner in which I do so from this point forward cannot be music, because in order for us to truly better ourselves, sometimes we have to sacrifice what means the most for us.

Below is a link to the final EP from McCafferty. It is a demo I recorded on my phone with some songs that are extremely personal. If you love the band, I encourage you to listen and enjoy. If you hate the bad, I still hope you listen and find a line that connects with your heart.

I hope that as a community we can continue to grow and love one another, despite our flaws. I am so thankful and blessed to have had mccafferty change my life forever. To those I have hurt in my life I apologize from the bottom of my heart, I would be friends with anyone in a second because I live to help people and make others happy.

To everyone who has listened, thank you. You have shaped my life more than you know and I am beyond words for the appreciation I have for you.

Thank you and enjoy.

-McCafferty

credits

released August 11, 2018

Nick

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all rights reserved

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about

McCafferty Ohio

I've started a blog about my treatment for Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, life, and music at mccaffertyband.com. There is a contact form, but you can also email nickhartkop@mccaffertyband.com if you want to reach out. My team reads the messages and sends them to me to reply. Thank you for listening. -Nick Hartkop ... more

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